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New Investigation Reveals:
Bush Administration Lacks Clear White House Exit Strategy!
Vice-Principal Dick
Cheney: "I'm happy right where I am... which location is secret, and
cannot be disclosed."
As everyone now knows for an absolute fact, back in 2000 the Clinton administration had a carefully detailed and well-executed plan for leaving the White House, which included stealing silverware, clogging the toilets with tampons and large blocks of hashish and dropping tiny little monkey wrenches into the interiors of all the personal computers on-premise. Rumor has it that the words "Helter Skelter" were scrawled in virgin's blood all over the interior walls and even some of the presidential portraits that grace the hallways and rooms of this most esteemed of domiciles. Some even say that Bill Clinton himself took great pains to leave all sorts of 'stains' in the Oval Office, the Lincoln Bedroom and even on the Ronald Reagan Memorial Throw-Pillows! But memos recently obtained by various Freedom of Information Act requests reveal that unlike their predecessors, the Bush administration seems to have no clear or distinct strategy for exiting the White House at the end of President Bush's second term. In one particularly revealing email from Karl Rove to Andrew Card, Rove writes "We're NEVER LEAVING, so don't worry about wrecking the place; if any damage does occur, we'll just blame it on Georgie!" to which Card replies, "Ah yes, he's such a tool." |
Veepee Dick Cheney: Happy as
a Pig in Shit
In another, Cheney tells Rove, "I GOT DIBS ON THE LINCOLN BEDROOM! I HAD SO MANY PEOPLE KILLED TO GET HERE, AND I'M TAKING WHAT'S MINE! AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, I'LL HAVE YOU KILLED TOO!" adding in a ps, "I'D KILL YA MYSELF, BUT I'M A BUSY MAN!" The fact that the new administration has had the once-white White House painted entirely black is also telling. "Now that the painting is complete, no one will be able to find it at night; we can stay here forever!" writes Rumsfeld to the president in a memo in June of 2005. |
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Behold! The
Brand New Jet-Black White House| "It took a lot of work getting all that earth from our various native lands moved into the basement, but it was worth it; I anticipate a stay of at least several hundred years," he states in another memo to Condoleeza Rice. "C'mon down; I've made up an extra coffin just for you!" |
Gee-W's Big Adventure!
Great Slobberin' Goblins!
Being President can be
SUCH a DRAG!