The Scary NewsThe Hideous Week in Review2/26-3/03/05Top Headline:Bush Administration Sweeps Oscars! In Other News:Gannon/Guckert Story Rumored Buried In Deep Hole Just Outside Vegas Reanimated Pope Feels Great, Looks Like Hell |
Death Remains Notorious Workaholic"I LOVE this job!" |
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3/3/05The Grim Reaper acknowledged today that the Bush administration and its many bizarre anti-human, anti-people and animals, pro-corporate, anti-intellectual, pro-war, pro-torture, pro-flaming-death-from-the-skies, anti-clean-food-and-air-and-water policies has been keeping him busy as the proverbial beaver on speed. "What can I say? Business is BOOMING!" he says, laughing an evil laugh as only he can. "I've been working like a fiend these last several years, I mean an absolute fiend... and especially lately; there's just nothing like numerous wars AND natural disasters all at once, I can't put down this scythe for a minute... but it's nice. I need the exercise, and it feels good to work up a real sweat again... I haven't been hoppin' like this since Hiroshima and Nagasaki! Now there was a windfall! But you know what they say: When it rains, it pours. And as long as Bush continues to reign, I see an 80% chance of a continued downpour of blood and meat for some time in the immediate future, heh heh heh..." I'd been afraid to do this interview, moreso than any other I've ever attempted... yet Death laughs and jokes the entire time, and he's always wearing that trademark winning lipless grin of his. I just have to ask. "Why DO they call you the Grim Reaper?... I mean, you seem pretty happy to me, happier than most people I know. How do you do it?" "It's a secret," he hisses. "I could tell you... but then I'd have to kill you." And he laughs that evil laughter again, and I think, Death, you crazy kidder. Can't you EVER be serious? But I don't say it. And I don't ask him to tell me his secret again. Comments:
I'm gonna laugh in Death's face when he comes for me... Then I'm gonna bitch-slap St. Peter and kick god right in the cajones... And when I get to Hell, I'm gonna find Hitler and make him my personal love slave... My big problem is, I can't think of anything to do while I'm still here... I'm bored... croaker180@yoyo.com ------------- If I absolutely have to die, I'd really like to be spanked to death... naughty1234@quiveringmoundsofflesh.com ------------- I don't trust life OR death. Life pisses me off, and death just kills me! I know. I should get out more... martin@martinsamazinguniverse.net Like to post a comment? Click here: |