funny po-em-things...

All material ©Copyright 2005 by D X Stone

"Some pretty weird and goofy shit here. If you're going to read these, I'd advise you to wear a condom... it couldn't hurt, anyway."

 --Former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop


Goofy Poems On Eyeballs n' Such

Potato Bugs (Mr. Potatohead's Lament)
God is Big
Bad Bunnies (and other assorted shorties)
Not a Paranoid
Divining Rod
Silly Disguises
Carloan Blues
Bad Aspirin


For The Thinking Weirdo

Jesus Hangin' at the Mission
Bunji's Fingers
It Sometimes Makes Me Wonder
Whatta Lotta Laughs
The Nurse Won't Answer My Buzzer
In The Night Museum
The Puppet in the Pulpit
Naked Nun
Your Govt Inaction


Dark Matter

Hell I & II
Everybody's Waiting
Marla's Alarms
Shootin' Your Mouth Off - Ode to Ariel Sharon
Post-Nuclear Primer
Another Pound of Flesh









Car Loan Blues


Fill in your name--your street address

If you don't know just take a guess

Fill in the numbers that you're known by

Fill in the hours that have gone by

Since the time that you were born

Fill in the form

Fill in the form


Fill in the hours yet remaining

Indicate special interests and training

Tell us about every job you have done

Give us a list of awards you have won

Write a short essay on your deepest fears

Give us the exact dimensions of your ears

Fill in the number of times you've said 'thanks'

Fill in the blanks

Fill in the blanks


Tell us exactly how much you were paid

This will account for four-fifths of your grade

Answer the questions about masturbation

And about your favorite radio station

Of course this is all privileged information

Write it in pen--do it again

Write it in pen--do it again


Fill in the intimate details of

Your very first fistfight and very first love

Write a report on all things that you do

Fill out three copies--the first is for you

The second's for us and the third is destroyed

Fill in the void

Fill in the void


Give an account of each time you have cried

Tell us about every instance you lied

Delineate any deviant notions

And estimate the precise weight of emotions

Then multiply this by ninety-nine nines

Then multiply this by ninety-nine nines

Then multiply this by ninety-nine nines

Then multiply this by ninety-nine nines

Fill in the lines

All Evil Toons, All The Time!


President Evil Online Home

  The Lovely Dick Cheney Page

  Four More Beers, Quick!


  Stoopidity for Dummies

Our Leaders Are Chucky-Dolls

 Meet the REAL Fockers!

  Revenge of the Living Rummy

 The Halliburton Horror

President Pinhead

  More Stoopider Even


Other Neat & Scary Stuff

 Site Map of Doom

Millions are Horrified!!!

 The OJ Simpson Defense Rap

The Scary News

 The Surreal News

The Bipolar Bowler

 More Funny Poem-Things

Who The Hell Am I, Anyway? 


Contact me at

All material on this site is ©Copyright 2005 by Daniel Xavier Stone. All rights reserved.