funny po-em-things...

All material ©Copyright 2005 by D X Stone

"Some pretty weird and goofy shit here. If you're going to read these, I'd advise you to wear a condom... it couldn't hurt, anyway."

 --Former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop


Goofy Poems On Eyeballs n' Such

Potato Bugs (Mr. Potatohead's Lament)
God is Big
Bad Bunnies (and other assorted shorties)
Not a Paranoid
Divining Rod
Silly Disguises
Carloan Blues
Bad Aspirin


For The Thinking Weirdo

Jesus Hangin' at the Mission
Bunji's Fingers
It Sometimes Makes Me Wonder
Whatta Lotta Laughs
The Nurse Won't Answer My Buzzer
In The Night Museum
The Puppet in the Pulpit
Naked Nun
Your Govt Inaction


Dark Matter

Hell I & II
Everybody's Waiting
Marla's Alarms
Shootin' Your Mouth Off - Ode to Ariel Sharon
Post-Nuclear Primer
Another Pound of Flesh













































































Your Govt Inaction


We, the people's representatives

Are happy to regret to say

We've raised the price of government

By 50 cents on every day

That's 50 cents on every dime

We tried to keep it down this time

But every time

We managed to get managers to meet

And got that meeting called to order

Some reporter snuck in with a tape recorder

And we would have to shred up

Half our slides and charts

And start it all again

We'd fight all night til nobody could win!

And in the end

We're happy to regret to say

We did a little damage

Grabbed a little cabbage, anyway...


Happily, we found a way to save some money

That mistakenly

We accidentally gave to some endangered owls

Before we saw a wondrous sale

On gold-embroidered towels!

We decided we will take the money back

Before they're gone

And in this way we'll raise a lot of interest

(We think)

Just for funds

For a glorious memorial

To all the rights of the extinct

And anyone whoever

Who ever said we do not care

Is obviously over there and thus no friend of ours

But we the people with the powers

Promise now, and pledge

(With slides!)

That we will only trim a little off the edge and sides...


So get off of that ledge, America!

It is time to dance!

The economy is booming louder than it ever has!

Like a bus without a muffler running out of gas!

And folks are running faster--

And rooming five up on a bed--

And any silly bastard

Can become an internet web-master overnight!

If they can grasp the golden thread just right

And find the gold within it

And spin it at about a mile a minute

Maybe two

Just like we the people's people do!

It's really only up to you...


So serve the state asleep and take the time

To dig real deep and find that one last hidden dime

And spin it til it's worth three times its worth

This is the only place on earth

Where you can do that legally

Cuz here in the good ol' USA

Money's practically free!

It's funny--no, hysterical--

How it all adds up mathematically

And all comes back in fact to

We the people you can count on

Cuz we know that you don't count--you can't!

And so we do it for you


While you all run and dance and sing!

And we, the people with the golden wings

Agreed today

That greed has freed more slaves than it has taken anyway

That only greed can feed the needy

(but we'll only feed you well if you are greedy too)

And we all agreed together

That it's time you made that money grow

We know that whether you can do it is just moot--

Cuz you don't know--

So let's get to it!

And be fruitful!

Multiply your loot like we have learned!

You earned it!

And be truthful when you file your lying tax return

You must becuz you trust us so

To send you back whatever we can't burn

Or don't already owe

Cuz we the people-persons who have earned your trust

Must constantly remain concerned

Or we would all go bust!


And if we all are very lucky

We'll get through this current crisis

And when the ice has melted

And everything is nice and ducky

We'll untighten all these belts and

You'll all smell like winners

Who've been working hard for tv dinners

Every single night and day...

And we, the holders of the people's cards

Will mold the old world just like clay

And roll it all away

To make way for a newer world

Where evey tv viewer can just sit it out and see

Observe the new and pure absurdity...


And wonder how we did it

And how anyone could ever doubt

And wonder what we did or didn't

And know that there is no way out

So wipe those tears away, America!

Your government is here to stay!

All Evil Toons, All The Time!


President Evil Online Home

  The Lovely Dick Cheney Page

  Four More Beers, Quick!


  Stoopidity for Dummies

Our Leaders Are Chucky-Dolls

 Meet the REAL Fockers!

  Revenge of the Living Rummy

 The Halliburton Horror

President Pinhead

  More Stoopider Even


Other Neat & Scary Stuff

 Site Map of Doom

Millions are Horrified!!!

 The OJ Simpson Defense Rap

The Scary News

 The Surreal News

The Bipolar Bowler

 More Funny Poem-Things

Who The Hell Am I, Anyway? 


Contact me at

All material on this site is ©Copyright 2005 by Daniel Xavier Stone. All rights reserved.