funny po-em-things...

All material ©Copyright 2005 by D X Stone

"Some pretty weird and goofy shit here. If you're going to read these, I'd advise you to wear a condom... it couldn't hurt, anyway."

 --Former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop


Goofy Poems On Eyeballs n' Such

Potato Bugs (Mr. Potatohead's Lament)
God is Big
Bad Bunnies (and other assorted shorties)
Not a Paranoid
Divining Rod
Silly Disguises
Carloan Blues
Bad Aspirin


For The Thinking Weirdo

Jesus Hangin' at the Mission
Bunji's Fingers
It Sometimes Makes Me Wonder
Whatta Lotta Laughs
The Nurse Won't Answer My Buzzer
In The Night Museum
The Puppet in the Pulpit
Naked Nun
Your Govt Inaction


Dark Matter

Hell I & II
Everybody's Waiting
Marla's Alarms
Shootin' Your Mouth Off - Ode to Ariel Sharon
Post-Nuclear Primer
Another Pound of Flesh





















Hell--what a concept...

A place beyond both time and space

Where demons rearrange your face

And tear out your entrails, and rip

Off both your ears, and lower lip...

And every time that they get through

They put you back as good as new

Your every pain's assuaged, and then

They tear right into you again

They slowly rend you limb from limb

And all the while you pray to Him

You sing his praise, confess your sins

You scream and scream and scream again...

And though you scream ten thousand years

It seems your screams fall on deaf ears


But God hears every little sob

As devils go about their job

Of tireless torment of the souls

Of those who missed God's honor rolls

Yes, God is watching! God is there!

He hears their cries of bleak despair

Cuz God is Always Everywhere


Yes, God hears every one of those

And turns up his All-Knowing Nose

To every cry, to every plea

From weak-willed Goddamned scum like me

From unbelievers, those who doubt

And try their best to figure out

How anyone could truly praise

A God who punishes the rats

Who cannot run His maze


Perhaps we are a sad pathetic lot

This human race...

Heaven must be a very lonely place

In any case



Hell II


Hell could be a Disneyland

Where all the rides are great...

But then you get in line and stand

And wait and wait and wait

And after 'bout a hundred years

You're finally next in line

But something in the wheels and gears

Begins to grind and grind

They have to shut her down, they say

To fix a rusty lever

You ask how long the work will take:

"Oh..." says the guy, "...forever."

All Evil Toons, All The Time!


President Evil Online Home

  The Lovely Dick Cheney Page

  Four More Beers, Quick!


  Stoopidity for Dummies

Our Leaders Are Chucky-Dolls

 Meet the REAL Fockers!

  Revenge of the Living Rummy

 The Halliburton Horror

President Pinhead

  More Stoopider Even


Other Neat & Scary Stuff

 Site Map of Doom

Millions are Horrified!!!

 The OJ Simpson Defense Rap

The Scary News

 The Surreal News

The Bipolar Bowler

 More Funny Poem-Things

Who The Hell Am I, Anyway? 


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All material on this site is ©Copyright 2005 by Daniel Xavier Stone. All rights reserved.