funny po-em-things...

All material ©Copyright 2005 by D X Stone

"Some pretty weird and goofy shit here. If you're going to read these, I'd advise you to wear a condom... it couldn't hurt, anyway."

 --Former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop


Goofy Poems On Eyeballs n' Such

Potato Bugs (Mr. Potatohead's Lament)
God is Big
Bad Bunnies (and other assorted shorties)
Not a Paranoid
Divining Rod
Silly Disguises
Carloan Blues
Bad Aspirin


For The Thinking Weirdo

Jesus Hangin' at the Mission
Bunji's Fingers
It Sometimes Makes Me Wonder
Whatta Lotta Laughs
The Nurse Won't Answer My Buzzer
In The Night Museum
The Puppet in the Pulpit
Naked Nun
Your Govt Inaction


Dark Matter

Hell I & II
Everybody's Waiting
Marla's Alarms
Shootin' Your Mouth Off - Ode to Ariel Sharon
Post-Nuclear Primer
Another Pound of Flesh




















Jesus Hanging at the Mission


Jesus hanging at the Mission

Til his mission is complete

And then he's goin' fishin'

But for now there's folks who gotta eat...

He's serving soup to nuts today

They gotta fill their guts

So they all get in line

And sometimes Jesus wishes

That his gifts sublime would simply go away

Then all these wind-blown drifters

Could just blow or drift away

For even just one day

You go your way , I'll go mine...

He's changin' watery coffee into wine

For all those winos hangin' on his vine

They cling unto his cross--it's swingin' crazy

With every swing another holy soul

Receives a holy daisy

And Christ is tossin' cookes to the throng

Of poor old mortal souls who don't belong

He wishes he was gone--

Eat of my flesh

But please don't take so goddamn long--

And everything he's ever said

Has all been censored, sacked, redacted

Left for dead

Then reenacted

Endlessly and badly, so it seems

And Christ is cursed to die a million times

In other peoples' dreams

It doesn't really matter if they wish for bread or fishes

God know's that soup's good food

But they never do the goddamned dishes

Don't say thanks, they're rank and awful rude

This is my blood--I bled for you

So go ahead and have a bloody party

Open up another artery

Gulp it down ya greedy clowns

I'm here to feed the needy

But if I could get off this freakin' piece of wood

I'd be outta town within the hour

And I'd be gone for good

I'd avoid the meek

I wouldn't speak to anyone for weeks and weeks

I need a shower and a shave

I need someone to save me too, y'know?

I really do...

From all of you

All Evil Toons, All The Time!

President Evil Online Home


Intro to Evil Incarnate 101

  The Lovely Dick Cheney Page

  Four More Beers, Quick!


  Stoopidity for Dummies

Our Leaders Are Chucky-Dolls
Bob Dylan Public Service Message



 Meet the REAL Fockers!

  Revenge of the Living Rummy

 The Halliburton Horror

President Pinhead

  More Stoopider Even

Obscenity of the Week

Flying Crazee Clown Faces!!!


Other Neat & Scary Stuff

Millions are Horrified!!!


The Scary News

The Bipolar Bowler

  More Funny Poem-Things



 Michael Jackson Has 17 Assholes!


 Evil Alien Clone EXPOSE! 


 The Surreal News


 The OJ Simpson Defense Rap


 Who The Hell Am I, Anyway? 

 Does This Look Like a Bigfoot To You?

   Anne Coulter Alien Anal Probing Scandal!

Hail, Well-Met Fellow Inmates!


Twilight Eyes: Dark Visions by Swamp Rat


IMPEACH HIM! by hiley


 Class Warfare: A Photo-Essay by BlueBear


A Planet Full of Hitlers by Octafish


 NEVER FORGET: animations by hyakamooks

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All material on this site is ©Copyright 2005 by Daniel Xavier Stone. All rights reserved.
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