Once again Halliburton has been caught red-handed attempting to bill
the government over 20,000 times the worth of actual work done; and this
case is as high-profile as they get. The repainting of the White House has
been wreathed in controversy, ever since President Bush announced his plan
to turn the White House completely black nearly a month ago (see previous story.)
As the picture above indicates, the work is only halfway finished, but
already many liberals are crying foul regarding the no-bid contract awarded
to a brand-new Halliburton subsidiary, followed almost immediately by the
receipt of bills in excess of $12 billion.
"This is ridiculous," said Harry Reid, spokesmen for the Democratic
minority in the Senate. "Twelve billion, and they're not even putting
down drop cloths!"
House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi went even further: "We know
they're using Mexicans for the actual work... so shouldn't that 12 billion
be more like 12 hundred?"
Halliburton has once again claimed innocence, attributing the error to
a matter of a few extra zeroes accidentally being entered on the bills by
an itinerant worker in their Malaysia offices. "Unfortunately, this
is a systemic serial problem we have with these uneducated and illiterate
office workers in the third world, who are often also in some state of starvation
or permanent illness or whatnot; it's not the first time this has happened,
nor will it be the last, I assure you!" said Pamela Winterspoon, pr
director for the firm, in a telephone interview. "But this official
statement should make everyone feel a lot better!"
And what, if any, plans are there to reimburse the federal government
for this error?
"This official statement should make everyone feel a lot better!"
"Look, what are we talking about here?" Donald Rumsfeld butts
in out of nowhere, when it's really none of his business and has nothing
to do with him whatsoever. "We're talking about a few extra zeroes.
What do zeroes mean? Nothing! Nothing at all! So basically, this is all
a big to-do over a whole bunch of nothing! Phahh!" Then he slithers
away again, hissing malevolently.
Completey aside from the issue of cost, one of the most vocal criticisms
of late comes from Robert Kennedy Jr, the crusading conservationist and
noted treehugger, who wants to know exactly what is in that paint that gives
an overall greenish glow to this now-more somber edifice of world domination.
"With respect to the question of the paint itself, we took great
pains to make sure it was lead-free and well within the specified limits
for all health and security measures and initiatives and so forth,"
said an unnamed spokesman for the painting company who looked suspiciously
like Dick Cheney in fake beard and Groucho-glasses. When questioned further
as to rumors that the paint is actually depleted-uranium-based, the spokesman
said simply, "9/11 changed everything... everything." He
then seemed to hover and waver in the air for a moment before the press,
then receded suddenly and rapidly into complete darkness.
I wanna paint it black, black, blackblackblack, yeah, blackblackblackblackblack...
Oh, wait... that joke's already in the previous
Where's Bush going with all this? I don't want to die yet! I just got
I think he's onto something... if we paint everything in America a deep,
dark black, it will be a lot easier to hide when the terrorists get here.
Fave Quote: "Hey hey hey!"
Aww, shut yer pie hole, Jimbo!
Fave Quote: "Heh heh heh..."
Curse you, Johnboy!... leave me be now! I'm a'tellin' ya for the last
Damn Johnny Doppelganger, that's all you are...
Fave Quote: "Hey hey hey!"
I resent that...
Fave Quote: "Yowsah yowsah yowsah!"
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