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President Evil Online Presents:

The Scary News

  Scary! New! Bi-Weekly!

The Hideous Weeks in Review

4/08/05 - 4/14/05

Top Headline:

Delay Shits Self on Congress Floor

In Other News:


Halliburton Caught Overcharging Again


Greenspan Forecasts Golden Showers


Snuggles Held in Robbery Case


Does Christian Prayer Kill?

Scary News Archives

3/25-4/7/05 (all news canceled on account of Pope's death)





Dick Cheney's Head Explodes!


Gannon/Guckert Story Rumored Buried In Deep Hole Just Outside Vegas


















Halliburton Caught Overcharging $10 Billion on White House Paint Job


"I LOVE this job!"

--Halliburton spokesman



Once again Halliburton has been caught red-handed attempting to bill the government over 20,000 times the worth of actual work done; and this case is as high-profile as they get. The repainting of the White House has been wreathed in controversy, ever since President Bush announced his plan to turn the White House completely black nearly a month ago (see previous story.)

As the picture above indicates, the work is only halfway finished, but already many liberals are crying foul regarding the no-bid contract awarded to a brand-new Halliburton subsidiary, followed almost immediately by the receipt of bills in excess of $12 billion.

"This is ridiculous," said Harry Reid, spokesmen for the Democratic minority in the Senate. "Twelve billion, and they're not even putting down drop cloths!"

House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi went even further: "We know they're using Mexicans for the actual work... so shouldn't that 12 billion be more like 12 hundred?"

Halliburton has once again claimed innocence, attributing the error to a matter of a few extra zeroes accidentally being entered on the bills by an itinerant worker in their Malaysia offices. "Unfortunately, this is a systemic serial problem we have with these uneducated and illiterate office workers in the third world, who are often also in some state of starvation or permanent illness or whatnot; it's not the first time this has happened, nor will it be the last, I assure you!" said Pamela Winterspoon, pr director for the firm, in a telephone interview. "But this official statement should make everyone feel a lot better!"

And what, if any, plans are there to reimburse the federal government for this error?

"This official statement should make everyone feel a lot better!"

"Look, what are we talking about here?" Donald Rumsfeld butts in out of nowhere, when it's really none of his business and has nothing to do with him whatsoever. "We're talking about a few extra zeroes. What do zeroes mean? Nothing! Nothing at all! So basically, this is all a big to-do over a whole bunch of nothing! Phahh!" Then he slithers away again, hissing malevolently.

Completey aside from the issue of cost, one of the most vocal criticisms of late comes from Robert Kennedy Jr, the crusading conservationist and noted treehugger, who wants to know exactly what is in that paint that gives an overall greenish glow to this now-more somber edifice of world domination.

"With respect to the question of the paint itself, we took great pains to make sure it was lead-free and well within the specified limits for all health and security measures and initiatives and so forth," said an unnamed spokesman for the painting company who looked suspiciously like Dick Cheney in fake beard and Groucho-glasses. When questioned further as to rumors that the paint is actually depleted-uranium-based, the spokesman said simply, "9/11 changed everything... everything." He then seemed to hover and waver in the air for a moment before the press, then receded suddenly and rapidly into complete darkness.



I wanna paint it black, black, blackblackblack, yeah, blackblackblackblackblack...

Oh, wait... that joke's already in the previous story

Never mind.




Where's Bush going with all this? I don't want to die yet! I just got on eBay!



I think he's onto something... if we paint everything in America a deep, dark black, it will be a lot easier to hide when the terrorists get here.


Fave Quote: "Hey hey hey!"


Aww, shut yer pie hole, Jimbo!


Fave Quote: "Heh heh heh..."


Curse you, Johnboy!... leave me be now! I'm a'tellin' ya for the last time!

Damn Johnny Doppelganger, that's all you are...


Fave Quote: "Hey hey hey!"


I resent that...


Fave Quote: "Yowsah yowsah yowsah!"

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