The Scary News

  Scary! New! Bi-Weekly!

News Archive

"Last month's news today!"

The Hideous Weeks in Review


Top Headline:

Bush Administration Sweeps Oscars!

In Other News:

Dick Cheney's Head Explodes!

Gannon/Guckert Story Rumored Buried In Deep Hole Just Outside Vegas

Reanimated Pope Feels Great, Looks Like Hell

AARP Under Attack By Rockets, Killer Robots

Grim Reaper Had a Great Year in '04


































Exploding Head Incident Causes Investor Jitters


(AP) Flush from his recent astonishing success at the Oscar ceremonies (see previous story), Sir Richard Cheney, one of America's truly great actors, committed a brief but embarrassing faux pas the other night when his head swelled up much too large and exploded, right in front of the cream of Hollywood's elite. A replacement Cheney was quickly harvested from that thick green slimy shit he first emerged from thousands of years ago, deep in the dark bowels of the Shadow Government's sprawling underground spawning chambers.

"Whoa, I'm not doin' that again anytime soon!" said the new Vice President to an entire roomful of cheering Jeff Gannon clones.

On the up side, Cheney is now said to have that new car smell you just can't buy in a bottle.

On the other hand, the incident has sent shock waves through the markets, where investors scrambled screaming at the top of their lungs like scared little girls, dashing about both hither and yon, thisaway and that, tearing at their hair and clothes, some even running backwards with scissors. "Many of us, as partial owners of this administration, are reasonably concerned about this, if only from a pr angle," said one amazingly honest broker, especially these days.



I'm not sure I approve... I'm not even sure what I'm thinkin' right now, or why I'm writin' this!... maybe I just crave attention.


This is just like the liberal admin, to throw this sort of trash in our faces like some sort of big cosmic cyanide pie and say suck on it baby, you know you love it--which is really beside the point, whether I really love it or not!... but belive me, I DON'T!

In fact, I don't even want to talk about it!


I don't trust my own eyes anymore; I'm afraid that they finally got me, probably slipped me a pod when I wasn't looking, and now my energy and humanity and joy for existence is all slowly slipping away these last 4 yrs... or maybe it's already gone, maybe I'm already their pod-person, their zombie love-slave, maybe we all are, who knows?

And I'd sure appreciate an answer here. I'm not just posting to hear myself talk; I post a lot here, but it seems like no one wants to tell me the true secrets of existence! What's the deal with that?

Like to post a comment? Click here:



All Evil Toons, All The Time!


President Evil Online Home

  The Lovely Dick Cheney Page

  Four More Beers, Quick!


  Stoopidity for Dummies

Our Leaders Are Chucky-Dolls

 Meet the REAL Fockers!

  Revenge of the Living Rummy

 The Halliburton Horror

President Pinhead

  More Stoopider Even

 Obscenity of the Week


Other Neat & Scary Stuff

 Site Map of Doom

Millions are Horrified!!!

 The OJ Simpson Defense Rap

The Scary News

 The Surreal News

The Bipolar Bowler

 More Funny Poem-Things

Who The Hell Am I, Anyway? 


Contact me at

All material on this site is ©Copyright 2005 by Daniel Xavier Stone. All rights reserved.