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President Evil Online Presents:

The Scary News

  Scary! New! Bi-Weekly!

The Hideous Weeks in Review

4/08/05 - 4/14/05

Top Headline:

Delay Shits Self on Congress Floor

In Other News:


Halliburton Caught Overcharging Again


Greenspan Forecasts Golden Showers


Snuggles Held in Robbery Case


Does Christian Prayer Kill?

Scary News Archives

3/25-4/7/05 (all news canceled on account of Pope's death)





Dick Cheney's Head Explodes!


Gannon/Guckert Story Rumored Buried In Deep Hole Just Outside Vegas


Does Christian Prayer Kill?



Recent experiences of both the Pope and Terry Schiavo suggest that hordes of Christians praying for a person's well-being in an organized and focused way may actually do more harm than good.

The reason may be something as simple as God's long-famous testiness. "When God starts getting hit with that many prayers at once, on one subject and all, the effect can be that of getting His Mighty and Supreme Attention, and perhaps a bit of the ol' divine intervention, if He's in a really good mood," says Right Reasonable Reverend Father Frank Ballantine of the Holy Pious Chapel of Unctious Divinity, just one of the many diverse sects that make up fractious and ever-turbulent Christianity. "On the other hand, when God is having a less-than-perfect day, and he starts getting this sudden deluge of unexpected communication, it can seem to His All-knowing and All-seeing Gaze like a great tide of internet spam: unwanted, unsolicited, annoying at least, a thoughtless insult and unforgivable outrage at worst."

"Sometimes God just says, "To Hell with you all," and kills whoever it was everyone was praying for, just to keep us all on our toes."

"Sometimes He just does it for the fun of it," says the padre wearily. "Just because He can, I guess."



I'm going to pray for Tom Delay, and Bill Frist, and George Bush and Dick Cheney and George Bush Sr and Karl Rove and Newt Gingrinch and Rush Limbaugh and Jerry Falwell... I'm going to pray until the veins stand out in my temples and my blood boils and my eyeballs pop out and explode like firecrackers... or until theirs do first.

What the hell, I got no job and plenty o' time...


Fave Quote: "Boing boing... boing!"


I'm going to pray for Snuggles. Not to kill him, I like him. I'm going to pray he doesn't get prayed at too much. I do not want to see him exploded or shot out into space. I'm just saying.


Fave Quote: "And God made cheeseburgers..."


I don't like snuggles same as a don't like xtians. Too cute. too goddamn precious.

fuck snuggles. I hate gog and all his peeps.


Fave Saying: "Help!"


I resent that...


Fave Quote: "Yowsah yowsah yowsah!"

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