funny po-em-things...

All material ©Copyright 2005 by D X Stone

"Some pretty weird and goofy shit here. If you're going to read these, I'd advise you to wear a condom... it couldn't hurt, anyway."

 --Former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop


Goofy Poems On Eyeballs n' Such

Potato Bugs (Mr. Potatohead's Lament)
God is Big
Bad Bunnies (and other assorted shorties)
Not a Paranoid
Divining Rod
Silly Disguises
Carloan Blues
Bad Aspirin


For The Thinking Weirdo

Jesus Hangin' at the Mission
Bunji's Fingers
It Sometimes Makes Me Wonder
Whatta Lotta Laughs
The Nurse Won't Answer My Buzzer
In The Night Museum
The Puppet in the Pulpit
Naked Nun
Your Govt Inaction


Dark Matter

Hell I & II
Everybody's Waiting
Marla's Alarms
Shootin' Your Mouth Off - Ode to Ariel Sharon
Post-Nuclear Primer
Another Pound of Flesh


































I went to the mountain to talk to the Man

'Cuz I'd heard that his word was the Word from Above

I went 'cuz I wanted to learn all I can

And this cat was the Buddha! A dude'a pure love!

So I went to the peak and I saw the old dude

He was takin' a leak--he was totally nude

So I waited to speak 'cuz I dared not intrude

I'm just not that rude


He led me into a chilly old cave

And he sat in a lotus and beckoned to me

He told me that his name was Dave

And he asked what I wanted and offered me tea

So I sat on a mat and I questioned the cat

I had all kindsa questions 'bout this and 'bout that

And this dude had the answers--he had 'em down pat

I was sure about that...


So many questions I had in my head

Buzzin' around like a hatful'a bees...


Whether life is meaningful

Whether love is true

Whether truth is lovely

Whether red is blue

Whether light's a wave

Or just a little dot

Whether it's worth asking

Whether it is not

Whether man's immortal

Or if he's not instead

Whether there's a porthole

In Dan Quayle's head

Whether everything began

With a bang or with a pop

How that argument began

Whether it will ever stop

Whether God's a monster

Coming soon to get us

Whether ham is best with cheese

Or perhaps with lettuce

Whether man will ever learn

Whether there is hope

Whether we will ever turn

Our parents on to dope



I wanted the lowdown, the facts, the straight poop

So many questions I spewed to the dude

And I knew that this guru could give me the scoop

Sitting there on his rock in his cave in the nude

And when I was finished he leaned into me

And he paused, yes he paused so dramatically

And his olden lips trembled, and then finally

He whispered to me:


"You carry your own weather in your head...


--that's all the old man said

All Evil Toons, All The Time!

President Evil Online Home


Intro to Evil Incarnate 101

  The Lovely Dick Cheney Page

  Four More Beers, Quick!


  Stoopidity for Dummies

Our Leaders Are Chucky-Dolls
Bob Dylan Public Service Message



 Meet the REAL Fockers!

  Revenge of the Living Rummy

 The Halliburton Horror

President Pinhead

  More Stoopider Even

Obscenity of the Week

Flying Crazee Clown Faces!!!


Other Neat & Scary Stuff

Millions are Horrified!!!


The Scary News

The Bipolar Bowler

  More Funny Poem-Things



 Michael Jackson Has 17 Assholes!


 Evil Alien Clone EXPOSE! 


 The Surreal News


 The OJ Simpson Defense Rap


 Who The Hell Am I, Anyway? 

 Does This Look Like a Bigfoot To You?

   Anne Coulter Alien Anal Probing Scandal!

Hail, Well-Met Fellow Inmates!


Twilight Eyes: Dark Visions by Swamp Rat


IMPEACH HIM! by hiley


 Class Warfare: A Photo-Essay by BlueBear


A Planet Full of Hitlers by Octafish


 NEVER FORGET: animations by hyakamooks

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All material on this site is ©Copyright 2005 by Daniel Xavier Stone. All rights reserved.