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  by D X Stone

We should have listened to those tiny twin Japanese girls.

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The GWinch Who Stole Election Day


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Nothing Wrong With MY Gag Reflex


Some Folks I Profoundly Distrust


A Little Clarity


2001 in Review: DEFINITELY NOT as Good as the Movie


How It All Works


 Ted Kennedy Conspiracy Theory


 Polls Indicate Incredible Stupidity


 My Terrorist Conspiracy Theory


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How The Beatles Saved My Ass


 The Worst Addiction


 Not All That Funny, Actually




How it All Works

Dan Stone - 4/18/02

Nike owns 28% of ABC, who in turn owns lil' bits of Cargill, ADM and Nestles...together in limited partnerships they enter into long-term agreements with Chevy, McDonald's and Motorola, who in turn own choice, juicy slices n' slabs of all of ABC's subsidiary conglomerates, 20% of the entire world's barbecued chicken wing franchises, and 75% of the Malaysian factories where Phil Knight has his shoes made... then they all come together on golf courses to form groups of various sizes and diverse elements, in order to plot and plan all manner of ongoing conspiracies and manipulations, often using these fellowships to increase their collective 'magical' power over this universe (which they see as a gigantic boardgame), such as increasing their wealth and influence by combining their small shares in various politicians and government officials throughout the globe, vesting these combined shares in the hands of a few trustees amongst them, so as to gain a controlling interest of ownership over various officials for the will of the collective; at which time lawyers and lobbyists are dispatched, who go back to the politicians and world leaders and issue them their orders... and then when the week's work is done, all the highest-level CEO's and politicians, and all the bankers and landlords and kings and queens and princes and princesses, all the major players get together at secluded secret society meetings to get drunk and play games and swap stories and wives and whores and slaves, etc., and they all get naked and into big piles of moaning, writhing human flesh, maybe sample a lil' bondage and spanking and s&m... and they begin to lose themselves in this larger mass of amorphous flesh without true identity or conscience, flesh that knows only the moment's sensation... they metamorphosize for a time into mere components of a greater Beast that is all desire and will to dominate and destroy all that is Other, all that is not of its Immaculate, Eternal Body... and then they top off the night by sacrificing a few virgins and drinking their blood (and that's the problem with these rich idiots, they just don't when to stop at the s&m!)... and it's amazing, all the shrewd backroom deals cut, all the partnerships and alliances formed right in the midst of big circles as the brave leaders of the free world jerk off while watching Fanny May goin' down on Beatrice... it goes on and on and on, these incestuous lil' cliques and secret alliances, the power of privilege as fixed and inflexible and unimaginative as ever, guaranteeing the absolute absence of a real level playing field at all for the much-trumpeted free market forces to work their phony miracles...

The market is a phony miracle of faith in and of itself--you must have faith for it to work, phony faith, yes, but faith nonetheless... you must be a true acolyte with phony faith in abundance if you are going to grab that phony brass ring, and win all the phony trophies and prizes, and all that phony acclaim and bullshit power... just think of it, America!... isn't it just enough to make you cream your jeans?... America, America, Land of the Phony-Free, Home of the Slaves... Slaves Who Think They're Free, The Shaved Sheep of of a New and Nasty Mega-Godzilla Hyper-Capitalist Neo-Democracy Where Freedom Has Been Slashed Half Off!!!... and we're ALL Going Out of Business RIGHT NOW!!!

So come on down!... cuz that's exactly where we're going...












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