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Savage Satire! NeoConspiracies! Terrifying Revelations! Obvious Truths!
by D X Stone
President Evil Online: The net's ONLY horror n' humor political parody website! Savage Satire! NeoConspiracies! Terrifying Revelations! Obvious Truths! |
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by D X Stone Dr. Seuss died just before the turn of the century... seems like ALL the really cool people are making other plans these days. |
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The GWinch Who Stole Election Dayby D X Stone The GWinch looked down on all the Whoos As his Dad had always taught him to And he hated each, from hat to shoes He hated every Whoo
Perhaps it was a fluke of fate That he hated Whoos so readily But he'd squint all day as if to say: "My Dad is really deadly!"
Maybe his heart just wasn't quite right Maybe his undies were simply too tight Perhaps he was simply too rich or too white... (He certainly wasn't too quick or too bright!)
But whatever the reason, his heart or his shorts He hated the Whoos with such lack of remorse That his hate was a chilling and palpable force... So his Dad had him groomed for high office, of course!
Guv'nor GWinch was a real chill killer He had power to save the condemned-- Just no will or no vision He hated all Whoos with precision To send Whoos to the chair was his personal mission...
"Any Whoo will do!" His Dad always bellowed at him and his brother, "Any Whoo is just as good as any another!" And once he'd finally fried a few The GWinch saw for himself how Truly, any Whoo would do...
His Daddy had hatched a wicked plan To subvert and pervert every law in the land Til he held every card in the palm of his hand "We shall crush the whole world!" He would shout, "Then expand!"
And they listened and learned Cuz they both were weak-willed And they knew that their dad Could have them both killed Could and would! Kill 'em good! For they were the last of the brothers! Their parents had already eaten the others!
So they scrunched up their faces And they took their prime places And whatever their Dad told his kids This they did... And with a little support From the Supreme Court They won the toss--to all others' loss! And the sun ran to some clouds and hid...
Then suddenly came horror and ruination! Collapse of the economy of the world's most mighty nation! Major crises in the markets and electric power! Attacks on the Pentagon and the Once-Mighty Twin Towers! Anthrax spores and wars! And warnings and alerts upon the hour! Attacks upon the civil rights of millions! And rich folks caught in deadly showers Of money! Billions! Jillions! Now just one percent Owns all the honey in the hive! They're laying off the drones in droves! How will those poor Whoo bastards stay alive? Who knows?
That's just the way it sometimes goes... Life, happiness and liberty all yanked away Right out from underneath your nose! So wave goodbye to the Good Ol' Days! An Instant Great Depression Right before our very eyes! "Let's blame the gays!" say our holy men wise...
And millions now will starve and die While others double, triple in their Personal worth, and girth and size Damn near every other day! Like nothing ever seen on earth! They blot the sun out as they rise...
And they're allowed to!--just because Of a little-known, well-hidden clause In the latest phase of our nation's new Godzilla Ultra-Mega-Monster Corporate Laws!
We're sinking fishing boats with submarines-- (Just more big businessmen at play!) Bugging the planes of mandarins... And Enron's just some guy named Art Vandalay Who they can't find... but no one really minds! We must move on, they say...
We're dropping bombs that look like food And food that looks like bombs--how rude! Buying oil from the very people that we're bombin' As if all of this were tedious and common
And we keep the oily human slimes Who we buy all this poisonous weaponry from Oiled and purring at all times And the media never blinks an eye! They play pinball all day! Deaf, dumb and blind!
India and Pakistan! Israel and Palestine! America vs. Everyone! And everyone is forming lines Lines of division, battle grids Death for everyone and all! Bring the kids and have a ball!
Last chance to dance! Last chance to call your mother! Last chance to put another bullet In another brother you will never know... It's time to set this tired globe aglow! Last chance for one last laugh! As we tear the world entire in half! And throw the pieces on the fire! (While hovering above, in a strange spacecraft:)
The GWinch's Hateful Ol' Dad looked down Upon the world that he had torn and rent and bled And he hated every single Whoo who'd ever lived Though every Whoo who'd ever lived Was now, indeed, quite cold and dead...
"There's nothing left to do here now!" He shouted to no one For even the GWinch himself had been lost To the fire and ashes, the flood and the fun... "Let's turn this ship around And go destroy the moon!" he said, "And then... the Sun!" |
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