President Evil Online: The net's ONLY horror n' humor political parody website!
Savage Satire! NeoConspiracies! Terrifying Revelations! Obvious Truths!

Unca' Dubya says:
AND your little dog too!

The Scary News

  Scary! New! Weekly!

News Archive

"Last week's news today!"

The Hideous Week in Review


Top Headline:

Bush Administration Sweeps Oscars!

In Other News:

Dick Cheney's Head Explodes!

Gannon/Guckert Story Rumored Buried In Deep Hole Just Outside Vegas

Reanimated Pope Feels Great, Looks Like Hell

AARP Under Attack By Rockets, Killer Robots

Grim Reaper Had a Great Year in '04



Back to Current News









































In a surprising turn of events, this year's Academy Awards celebration saw an unprecedented series of upsets when key high-level members of the Butch administration literally swept up every single award. "They came barging their way into the ceremony right after the cameras stopped rolling and just took all the Oscars away; they were actually laughing as they did it," said an obviously frustrated Clint Eastwood. "If only I'd come armed, like I usually do."

Many celebs were surprised that the administration chose to hijack the Oscar gold in such an openly aggressive way. "I wouldn't have been at all surprised if they'd simply fixed the contest results, like they do with elections," said Glenn Close. "They've shown great competency with that... so why this?... I just don't get it."

"There was a definite pirate-like demeanor to all of them; they seemed drunk on liquor, or power, or both--and believe me, I've been there, and I know it when I see it--anyway, they were really boisterous," relates Dustin Hoffman. "Rumsfeld put a few people in headlocks right off. He's an old wrester, ya know? And Bush-- jeez! Bush had this sword, I think it was an old cutlass, a real one. He was waving it around and going WHOOP! WHOOP! LOOK AT ME, I'M THE BIGGEST MONKEY IN THE JUNGLE!

"The Secret Service had the place locked down, and had everybody covered with machine guns, and they just stood there real silent and mean-lookin', like the Blockheads in those old Gumby cartoons-- but a few of us still had a little fight left in 'em. Hillary Swank tried to hold onto hers, and, y'know, she's pretty tough in that movie... but Bush didn't need that sword at all, he tossed it aside and just bitch-slapped her silly... I mean COMPLETELY silly." he continues, grinning, then giggling, then bursting out laughing maniacally. "I mean, it was really mean and unfair, but funny too... y'know, I guess you just had to be there."

"God help us all," he concluded, his voice suddenly deeply sad and almost infinitely weary.

The next morning, White House spokesman Scott McClellan held an early press conference in which he admonished the media not to speak a word about the events of the previous night to anyone, in any form, on penalty of treason. McClellan cited "security concerns and secret new government secrecy acts", both of which he could not go into in any detail, again for "security reasons", and also made reference to a mysterious "whoever gets it, gets it" rule; but then he dismissed further discussion on the subject, stating simply, "There's a war on. Two wars, actually... and more on the way any day now," he said, glancing at his watch ominously. "Besides, the last election gave the administration an absolute mandate. They can do anything they want to now."

"The best part of the night was when Dick Cheney's head exploded; we all agreed that it was ultimately worth it for that," said almost every Oscar attendee polled.

Read more about Dick Cheney's Exploding Head.


I miss Ronald Reagan... now there was an actor! He was so good, he made me believe a man could fly... so I jumped off my roof and broke my leg!

Didn't hurt, though!


This is just like Republicans, to steal all the gold and give us nothing but magic beans in return... and if we refuse them, they throw it in our faces like some sort of big cosmic cyanide pie!

Don't remind me, though... everything pisses me off!


I didn't trust the liberal elitists! They cry every time you steal there Oscars, but where did they get them Oscars? They stole them themselves, them them, that's what!

I can't tell you're a lefty, and I really don't trust anyone or any thing or things BUT George W Bush and his cackling henchmen... you bleeding heart dumbell! monsters and muckalucks everywhere!

I just wanted to say so... oh well... keep up the good work!

Like to post a comment? Click here:



All Evil Toons, All The Time!


President Evil Online Home

  The Lovely Dick Cheney Page

  Four More Beers, Quick!


  Stoopidity for Dummies

Our Leaders Are Chucky-Dolls

 Meet the REAL Fockers!

  Revenge of the Living Rummy

 The Halliburton Horror

President Pinhead

  More Stoopider Even


Other Neat & Scary Stuff

 Site Map of Doom

Millions are Horrified!!!

 The OJ Simpson Defense Rap

The Scary News

 The Surreal News

The Bipolar Bowler

 More Funny Poem-Things

Who The Hell Am I, Anyway? 


Contact me at

All material on this site is ©Copyright 2005 by Daniel Xavier Stone. All rights reserved.