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Unca' Dubya says:
There are none so blind as those with poked-out eyes!

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The Hideous Week in Review


Top Headline:

Bush Administration Sweeps Oscars!

In Other News:

Dick Cheney's Head Explodes!

Gannon/Guckert Story Rumored Buried In Deep Hole Just Outside Vegas

Reanimated Pope Feels Great, Looks Like Hell

AARP Under Attack By Rockets, Killer Robots

Grim Reaper Had a Great Year in '04






The Torture Never Stops...


AARP Under Attack by Rockets, Giant Killer Robots



The Bush administration has given old people everywhere another reason to say "Ah, to hell with everything!" not to mention, "Leave me alone, dammit! Can't you see I'm old and in the way?"

In response to the American Association of Retired Persons' legal maneuverings to help block proposed changes in Social Security, the Pentagon has mounted a "defensive attack" on the AARP, using small rockets launched by big scary killer robots to take out a number of old folks homes across America. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld accuses this consortium of geezers with duplicity, coercion, bribery, multiplicity, distortion, theft, invasion of privacy, mumbling, frail bones and the possession of 'treasonable accoutrements', WHATEVER the hell THAT means.

"Look," said Rumsfeld to a crowd of fearful, mewling, loathsome liberal-biased media journalists, "Who are you gonna trust? A buncha old worn-out gas-bags with three non-green teeth to share between the whole lot of 'em? Or would you rather listen to the voice of reason, coming from me?"

"But you just killed a bunch of people!" shouted one brave journalist, FINALLY!

"Well, when you look at it rationally, how much longer would those people have lived anyway?" came Rumsfeld's matter-of-fact response. "They were all old and sick; when you think about it, we did them a favor."

"But you didn't just kill old people! You killed innocent people as well!"

"Your government kills innocent people every day," he went on in that casual, nonchalant, easy manner that has made him famous worldwide. "And we do it all for you, so you don't have to. This is a new kind of war; these old people are spread out all over the place, so we had to do whatever. Big deal. They got in the way of progress. They were pestering and terrorizing me. I take great pride in my job. Is that all?"

Rumsfeld is himself over 120 years old, but is also a wealthy man and shows no signs of slowing down. "I'm having too much fun killing people," he shouted at the pack of craven newsjockeys as he boarded his private plane to take off for Disneyland, where he will be busy for the next several weeks killing from afar, by computer, while hiding from further press invasiveness.



I'm just too old for this kind of crap...


I am an octogenarian myself, and I just can't remember the last time... umm...

I can't remember what I was gonna say.


I don't trust the old. They are crafty as cats, and they don't care who they hurt, as long as they get one more chance to hog the bathroom.

And don't even get me started on dead people... dead people SUCK!

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