The answer to the mystery of our nation's missing VP, unseen or heard
from during this entire last frenetic week of chaos in The Big Easy, has
finally been solved. Though the official story claims our elusive VP was
off shopping for high-tops with Condi Rice, the truth is stranger still...
little did anyone suspect that Cheney had been in New Orleans the entire
time, deep underground in just one of the many secret shadow-government
lairs in various undisclosed locations that he is said to move back and
forth to when night brings solace and shadows, and the moon is hidden behind
dark clouds (though no one has actually seen these movements, and everyone's
too afraid to ask him about it directly.)
Despite plenty of fresh air, water, food and medical supplies, Cheney
was discovered cannibalizing several of his own emergency clones. He is
rumored to have an almost infinite abundance of these creatures, which he
grows mainly for medicinal purposes, and to assure his fiendish and unnatural
immortality, thus cheating Death AND the Devil, til the ends of eternity.
He was discovered by a pair of his own Halliburton bodyguards, apparent
newbies who popped the bunker's hatch and fled screaming in terror, thus
forfeiting any pension they might have hoped for in the future.
Cheney emerged bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and immediately announced
he was going to Disneyland. He shrugged off questions of his alleged cannibalism
with a shrug and a sneer. |