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President Evil Online Presents:

The Scary News

  Scary! New! Bi-Weekly!

The Hideous Weeks in Review

4/08/05 - 4/14/05

Top Headline:

Delay Shits Self on Congress Floor

In Other News:


Halliburton Caught Overcharging Again


Greenspan Forecasts Golden Showers


Snuggles Held in Robbery Case


Does Christian Prayer Kill?

Scary News Archives

3/25-4/7/05 (all news canceled on account of Pope's death)





Dick Cheney's Head Explodes!


Gannon/Guckert Story Rumored Buried In Deep Hole Just Outside Vegas


Greenspawn Forecasts Golden Showers for All


"I LOVE this job!"

--Alan Greenspawn, Official Mr. Moneybags



According to Fed Chairman Alan Greenspawn, Grand Poobah of Moneyville, USA, very soon average Americans will finally begin to feel the warming effects of trickle-down economics. "It's about to hit 'em all right in the kisser," he said at a recent fundraiser to raise funds for the banking industry, which can always use some extra dough.

"At this juncture, we have finally achieved a state of equilibrium and ease at which it is now possible to begin disposing of many of the older assets which we have up til now held accumulated in reserve. The liquidation of these exhausted or 'waste' assets is already in progress; soon we will be dumping it all full into the upturned faces of the lower classes who, hungry for sustenance of any sort, will find themselves inundated in a constant torrent of warm, golden largesse, courtesy of we, their generous ruling elite.

"What we eat today, the world eats tomorrow!" Mr. Greenspawn finished to thunderous applause.

Mr. Greenspawn made headlines last month in declaring "Evil is Good!" in a speech before various foaming and gibbering creatures from Hell's nether regions. Like most everything he says, no one can really quite figure out what the hell it means (see previous story.)



I think Greenspawn is da Man! How do creatures that old even keep breathing? You have to admire that; he has hundreds and hundreds of years of wisdom to draw on.

It makes me feel more American to know he's there, his steady hand ever at the helm... but then again, I'm an illegal alien.


Fave Quote: "Hey, you! Hey!"


I don't know why I vote for him every year! There's not even that many elections!



Fave Quote: "Who, me? What?"


That guy can afford to have his entire head replaced if he wanted to.


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