President Evil Online: The net's ONLY horror n' humor political parody website!

Savage Satire! NeoConspiracies! Terrifying Revelations! Obvious Truths!

by D X Stone

Like many before him, Hitler first got into evil because he'd heard it was a good way to meet girls...

Millions are Horrified!!!

Selected Vintage 2000-04

The GWinch Who Stole Election Day


The Last Words of Dick Cheney's Dying Heart!


Nothing Wrong With MY Gag Reflex


Some Folks I Profoundly Distrust


A Little Clarity


2001 in Review: DEFINITELY NOT as Good as the Movie


How It All Works


 Ted Kennedy Conspiracy Theory


 Polls Indicate Incredible Stupidity


 My Terrorist Conspiracy Theory


 More Mere Foolishness & Frivolity


How The Beatles Saved My Ass


 The Worst Addiction


 Not All That Funny, Actually


And more to come...











 Some Stuff That Seems Pretty Funny To Me,

Even Though It's Actually Not

Dan Stone - early '02


America is the most prosperous country in the world and, according to our current shadow-government, particularly shadow-President GW Buzzwords--y'know, the Bizarro candidate who was not elected and thus took office, that Wild & Crazy Guy who always does and says everything exactly opposite to what he means or what might possibly make sense in our world?--according to him, the state of our union is stronger than ever--but most of our businesses are constantly on the brink of bankruptcy, even the very largest and wealthiest, if you believe the business press at all... actually, the business press has long played Chicken Little for big business decades before 9/11; even when things were brightest, they were always clucking away with their nervous forebodings about the 'woes' and 'upleasantness' and 'upheavals' and 'hemmorhaging' in the markets... it's always 'another serious blow to the markets', 'another slaughter in the marketplace', another 'hideous bloodletting'... and that's when things are good and they're talking about GM or Microsoft, y'know?... given this scale, I guess Enron woulda been 'the biggest, most carefully-planned mass-murder in the marketplace ever!"... or maybe just "insane mass genocidal cannabalism!"... but the media regularly acts as if ALL business and trade worldwide were ever on the very brink of ruin, and the largest and wealthiest corporations are always on their deathbeds, the media analysts and pundits obviously paid mourners and wailers to this ridiculous theatre... 'the market' is constantly shaking with fever and chills; or rocking, or quaking, or breaking out in boils, or raining meat and blood... at the very best, once in a blue moon it's sittin' up and takin' some soup... so don't expect too much out of it, America, such as a living-wage job, f'rinstance... please keep your voices down, the economy is very weak... it could go at any moment...

Millionaire Enron CEO Ken Lay's wife publicly claiming destitution?... what a ghastly spectacle, and only in America... she's the New Millennium's Marie Antoinette, the poster-child for what I'm sayin' here...

It's Orwell's newspeak, right here, right now, right in your face: Love is Hate, Great Wealth is Great Need, Greed is Good and Stupid Is As Stupid As It Gets, And Then Some...

Almost all of these businesses, no matter how well they're doing, what new record profits they post, fight endlessly against paying their fair share of taxes or cleaning up after themselves or even making sure they operate safely; and too, they refuse to pay a decent, living wage to any but a very small percentage of the workers they absolutely rely on to do the actual work, those who comprise the very foundations of these lofty enterprises... in fact, they spare no expense to thwart any attempt to require them to act responsibly or be fairer to their workers, they'd rather spend millions and millions to buy up a government and change all the rules to their advantage rather than make a few responsible concessions to the needs of those who make up their 'human resources' (ugh, what an alien way to refer to people!); experience proves again and again that the better they do overall, the harder the privileged few push toward an outright slave model of labor for the mass of us...

We seem to be taking an odd approach to this war on terrorism, choosing to destroy our own freedoms utterly so that there will be no freedom left for these evil hooligans to attack anymore... since the onset of this 'war', the Bullsh administration has done more destruction to America than any surprise attack by our enemies could ever hope to accomplish... they assure us they will do anything to protect us and keep us from harm; but who the hell would actually want to live in the sort of crazy, hyper-paranoid world they're creating here, a world of more walls and more weapons and more laws and more police, and more searches and seizures and arrests and interrogations and police actions, and more prisons and more suffering and more more more starving faceless refugees by the millions, everywhere upon this weeping planet... more burned and mutilated human flesh, more rape, more torture, more terror every freakin' day... and constant, unceasing surveillance, everyone watching everyone else 24/7, no one knowing who to trust, everyone checking each other's IDs constantly? Who the fuck would willingly embrace these sorts of 'solutions'?

It has always been obvious to me that it would cost a small fraction, perhaps 10%, of the scabrillions we are spending on Never-Ending War to instead win the love and favor of all nations of the world (except for the truly evil ones) by going out there and making it our job to feed and shelter and care for and educate and empower all the hungry and needy people of Earth, regardless of race or gender or sexual orientation... but that creed thing's got to go, cuz it's the faithful assholes of the world that maintain the present American Dream and all its foreign correlatives, where instead of making a heaven on earth, we choose to create a buncha festering hells where unfortunate souls really do suffer hideous torments--perhaps not eternally, as in the biblical (i.e., fictional) hell, but for whole decades at a time... and I'll bet it sure seems like an eternity to many of them...

I know we're not, I know, but think about it: we must seem like demons to their eyes...

If this is the best the Big Three Religions have to offer, I say scrap 'em all and start over... let's go back to worshipping animals and rocks and stuff... or if we're going to worship a bloodthirsty killer god who revels in carnage and human suffering, let's get one who's at least honest enough to say so upfront... personally, I like Shiva the Destroyer; she's one mean bitch, but you know where she's comin' from...

Speaking of which: this latest round in the incredible long-running scandal on predatory Catholic priests humpin' kids left and right, and the Church covering for 'em?... this really pisses me off... I was raised Catholic (but I gave it up years ago, for Lent)... this is so tragic, it just makes ya wanna cry... and even moreso when I realize that there are priests out there, disgusting creeping drooling weirdo pedophile priests, getting laid more often than I do...

All Evil Toons, All The Time!

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Our Leaders Are Chucky-Dolls
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 Meet the REAL Fockers!

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President Pinhead

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Obscenity of the Week

Flying Crazee Clown Faces!!!


Other Neat & Scary Stuff

Millions are Horrified!!!


The Scary News

The Bipolar Bowler

  More Funny Poem-Things


 Evil Alien Clone EXPOSE! 


 The Surreal News


 The OJ Simpson Defense Rap


 Who The Hell Am I, Anyway? 


Hail, Well-Met Fellow Inmates!


Twilight Eyes: Dark Visions by Swamp Rat


IMPEACH HIM! by hiley


 Class Warfare: A Photo-Essay by BlueBear


A Planet Full of Hitlers by Octafish


 NEVER FORGET: animations by hyakamooks

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